INT. PROBATION OFFICE – MORNING
The PROBATION OFFICER, a black woman with a bob and business casual attire sits at a wide desk scattered with loose papers and various folders. She is reviewing a set of files, repeatedly looking up to observe a man on the receiving end of the law –
PROBATION OFFICER (cont’d)
Amar, first name Manuel. Charges include vandalizing public property, otherwise known as minor terrorism, possession of stolen goods…
PAC’s feet are tapping with rhythm; he’s wearing black Vans with metallic “wildstyle” graffiti eloquently drawn in marker on top. PAC’S music becomes more audible as she lowers her voice. She then stops talking altogether and pauses to get his attention.
PROBATION OFFICER (cont’d)
(Tersely)
Mr. Amar, if you want to get out of here now I suggest cease with the noise. Immediately!
PAC’s feet stop. His right hand presses stop on his iPod. His left hand slides down the headphones from his ears to his neck. His face is still not shown.
PROBATION OFFICER
This being your first major offense as an adult let me clarify how easy you got off considering your laundry list of a wrap sheet as a juvenile. Records show you vandalized seven buildings, three of them property of the city, the remaining being buildings of private business owners. You were caught having cans of spray paint on your person more than once, being a minor. You’ve paid plenty fines and have done multiple hours of community service and jail time, including the most recent charge which landed you six months at County. The grievances you have put on this city’s legal system should have you locked up for a very long time. And though legally recognized as an adult, you’ve had a continuum these charges as though you’re Peter Pan (pause). Let it be known that you are to report to me every two weeks until your probation period ends. You are not to be involved with any illegal activity, thus elevating your probation to mandatory incarceration by way of MY petition! Are we clear?
The PROBATION OFFICER slams the files down in front of
Tylar, this is an exciting scene. It put me there. I wanted to suggest replacing some words with others...as they seem to convey a different meaning here. I would suggest replacing the word "grievances" with "burden" (just simple). and revisit the following statement where you mention continuum...that whole statement is problematic. You might mean to say, again simply, he has a "history" of these charges. And finally where you she states "thus elevating" Is she saying that if it happens again, that his charges will become a felony ? Try to be clear.
ReplyDeleteGood work. It is VERY visual, VERY believable. Keep going!